It’s just seems unfair if I had always exposed my broken hearted love life in this blog but never really spill all the fun (yes, i know, it’s better to keep the fun stuff on my own) ^^…

but really,, life’s seems spinning up for me lately, but yet, words are meant to come to reality. one thing after another, before you let go what held u, u cud never move on… and letting go,, was,, the hardest part…

^^

finnaly i took the right train..,
the train that took a year to come…
finally i found it…
i found it in him…

piss
-ria

Sometimes its just weird how people have to suffer or sacrifice something in their life, for something thats just worth a while. It’s like giving away doorprizes for an hour of homeschool gathering, it’s like letting the hot heat burns ur skin just to get the tan u wanted that will only lasts for 3 weeks or so, and it’s like… it’s like holding the ache in your heart,, just to see the person you love,, always love,, smile away with someone else… But the funny thing is, people do that… It’s funny how you went along for 3 hours ride all the way to the airport just for 2 minutes goodbyes with the person you like,, it’s funny how you skip your family vacation just for the sake of having xmas together with your lover, but it turned out that it didnt come off. It’s funny…

yet it happens…

How funny the word love is,,

How even FUNNIER the word LIFE is…

They said that you can choose whoever the person you want to spend your life is… but they lied… it aint true…

Uda lama ga buka blog,, baca2 lagi post2 jaman dulu *beuh,, brasa dah bangkotan amat yak nge post nya dari jaman kapan* hehe,,jadi snyum2 sndiri. Banyak ya tnyata yang uda dilewatin, dalam itungan stengah taun aja, ada kesel2nya, ada sneng2nya,, bhkan skarang gw dah lupa bbrapa kenapa gw ksel..

But the most important part is reading the comments, im really surprised,, like so many ppl even give a damn to what i say, God, there’s nothing more to a person than being taken an account of,,and like it or not, thats the truth. Im relieved when i know im not the only one who feels that, i mean, it doesnt mean i got a company, but,, u know, ure not alone..

Life’s getting even MORE complicated nowadays, not only with my bizzare love life, but also with my life as a normal being. Time is ticking out, goal is bluring out, breath is pacing in but kindda afraid of losing orientation, which way to head *scattered,squirling, they say*. Debating assignments, plenty, school work, loading up, organisation’s plan, neatly stacked, God..I really want to finish the up, going one by one, make the most of it, but, if only i got 48 hours in a day.,but i think God has his reason by only putting a half of it thou, and i believe its good^^.

But somehow i found relationship is only nagging me out, craving for attention *which i finally gave*shoot, another waste of time, aint it? Hff,, but dunno, im afraid to be sumone I used to be on the early high school, extrovert, antisocial, and, u know, keeping everything inside. BUT now, i think i was better off..But looking at the circumstances that its IMPOSSIBLE for me to pull out from this world, what do can i say..?Guess sometimes theres a choice u cant really choose..

Hff..

Am I supposed to exhale this much?

^^

but i believe there soo much more behind this…

God has his own way to show how blessed we are..

Hey human,,

just wait,,

hold on..

you’ll see…

piss

-ria

*God, i cant believe i said those last lines *sob* hehe..

Why do people have to meet up? Why do coincidences happen and most likely took someone into one scene of a movie, either its sad-happy-or thrilling one. Why is there such thing as time? Why are we living in the measurements of seconds, each days and weeks we’ve past, leading to a year, constructing path to digits of year. Why do people have to know that there’s a point where everything will die, everything will stop anyway, whether or not we’ve gone thru this life well. Why do people still have to fight for their life but they already know they still have to surrender it anyway..

These questions merely occur, in times when we -simply a being who’s trying to give the outmost of their life-are finally have a chance to look in the mirror and try to see, to reach what’s in it..

Is it really worth it to go cross the border to find what ure really looking for witout even knowing is it really there,,is it really is what ure looking for..?

Is there everbeen such thing as true love, where u can never define whats true and whats love is..?

Is there everbeen anything pure, anything honest when everything u do will finally get back to you..?

tell me..

piss

-ria

*God, im so lost*

You close your eyes

And leave me naked by your side

You close the door so I can't see

The love you keep inside

The love you keep for me

It fills me up

It feels like living in a dream

It fills me up so I can't see

The love you keep inside

The love you keep for me

I stay to watch you fade away

I dream of you tonight

Tomorrow you'll be gone

It gives me time to stay

To watch you fade away

I dream of you tonight

Tomorrow you'll be gone

I wish by God you'd stay

I stay awake

I stay awake and watch you breathe

I stay awake and watch you fly

Away into the night

Escaping through a dream

I stay to watch you fade away

I dream of you tonight

Tomorrow you'll be gone

It gives me time to stay

To watch you fade away

I dream of you tonight

Tomorrow you'll be gone

I wish by God you'd stay

Hey...

Stay...

I stay to watch you fade away

I dream of you tonight

Tomorrow you'll be gone

It gives me time to stay

To watch you fade away

I dream of you tonight

Tomorrow you'll be gone

It gives me time to stay

To watch you fade away

I dream of you tonight

Tomorrow you'll be gone

I wish by God you'd stay

Stay

Stay

Stay...

I wish by God you'd stay

Cape aja,, ketika loe terlalu sayang sama seseorang,, atau sesuatu,, tapi yang mesti loe korbanin,, adalah,, diri loe.. Shall i leave myself,, or leave my the other one? Semuanya ga ada yang salah, ga ada yang bener…

Ga bisa dipikir pake otak, pake logika. Ini bukan matematika,, bukan fisika.. ini,, jauh lebih menyebalkan..

love.sucks.

piss

-ria

Where had gone the home i used to know..

I dont know..

Where had gone the path i used to walk on…

I dont know..

Where had gone the you, i thought i always know..

Lost somewhere in the footsteps maybe,, or even among those words they were talking..

As time goes by,, i fade,,

i slipped maybe a bit,,

but i wont be gone..

Here,,

Im still here for another year or so..

"Jadi, gimana dok?"

"Hff,, saya tidak bisa berbuat banyak nak, semua obat sudah saya coba untuk kamu. Semuanya,, tinggal waktu"

God. Kenapa jawaban yang paling ngga pengen gw denger dengan mudahnya keluar gitu aja dari mulut bapak berkemeja putih ini. Enak aja tu orang! Gue uda ngerelain sgala - sgalanya buat dia yang janji bakal ngusahain yg tbaik buat gw. Anjing! Coba jantung gw ga selemah ini, pasti ga perlu gue relain promosi kerjaan gw jadi floor supervisor. Coba otak gw ga sesensitif ini, man! Uda bisa jadi CEO kali gw!

"Ya,, gimana lagi dek. Mama juga uda ga tau mesti gimana. Mungkin ini emang kehendak yang di atas. Ini rencana Dia. Kita ga bisa apa -apa dek. Kan kita uda coba semuanya, mulai dari pengobatan di dokter Rudi, di Singapur, ampe ke Mayo Klinik, smuanya dek.."

"Iya ma, tapi aku ga rela aja. Semua yang uda kita usahain sama sekali ga ada hasilnya. Aku bakal tetep mati ma, mati!"

"Hus, kamu kok gitu si Ndre? Kamu tu ngomong apa si? Masalah hidup dan mati tu bukan kita yang nentuin. Namanya juga manusia, hidup penuh dengan perjuangan. Semua usaha kita, resiko yang kita ambil cuman satu tujuannya Ndre. Gak lain dari memberi yang terbaik bagi diri kita sendiri sebagai seorang yang tidak berguna yang dipinjami waktu selama hidup kamu oleh yang Kuasa."

"Cape ma, Andre cape ndengerin itu semua. Tau a ma, mungkin emang yang minjemin ngga iklas aja kali minjeminnya setengah - setengah."

Gila, bahkan nyokap gw sendiri kyk gitu. Mau btahan idup gmana coba? Man, this is bulshit! Gw ga bakal ngerasain gimana rasanya punya kluarga, gw ga bakal ngerasain punya rumah, ngerasain semua yang udah gw plan dari awal. Gw ga trima. Kenapa gw msti dilahirin terusan? Knapa? knapa ga lo buat gw ketabrak apa kek biar mati tiba2?? Ha?

"Dek, jangan bengong dong dek, masa di stasiun malem - malem sendirian lagi. Pulang gih"

"Ah, nggapapa kok pak, toh juga ga ada yang nyariin."

"Wadu, mana mungkin. Baju ade aja kyk baju saya lebaran 2 taun lalu waktu bapak saya masi ada. Henpon ade aja pasti gaji saya njaga stasiun setaun tu. Saya liat juga tadi adek turun dari mobil kok, ngga kayak orang2 yg jalan ke stasiun.Pasti kamu punya keluarga kan."

"Itu uda ga penting lagi pak. Semuanya bakal ilang. Bentar lagi. Apapun yang akan saya perbuat ga akan ngaruh, semuanya bakal ilang. Iya pak, ilang."

"Waduh ,, kamu ni kayak bapak saya dulu aja. Putus asa. Dia kena penyakit apa tu, diabetes. Dari sejak vonis dokter idup tinggal 3 bulan, dia uda kyk mau mati besok. Tapi untungnya, minggu terakir, dia sadar, kalau selama masa penantiannya itu, dia menemukan banyak kejadian yang sebenarnya biasa saja, tapi karena waktu tinggal sempit, jadi terasa berarti. Kalo saja ia tidak diberi peringatan 3 bulan, mungkin dia masih mabok2an kali sampai akhir hayatnya… Yah namanya juga orang dek..

Loh, dek..

Yah,,, si adek malah pegi"

*Ria

This is a short blog-play (kalo ada radio play kenapa ga ada blog play?) -maksa- hehe,, jadi seperti landasan dan latarbelakang yang sudah dasarnya aneh, begitu pula isi blog-play ini, aneh. (*read:sangat-tidak-mining-dan-busuk), enjoy!

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First of all i wud like to apology for any name, brand, place and event that are mentioned here for using it without any share or permission at the first place. PS:this play is nothing more than a fiction and considered as a private use script anyway (duh?!)

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<voice on the phone>

Claire:  But promise me you’ll come back, okay?

Greg:    Honey it’s hard to tell, i can’t promise you anything. It’s not even like I know what would happen there. Ive told you million times, I’ll do my best for us, and when I said that, it’s true, I wont ever sleep before I could contact you from Nebraska. I promise. (*hm,, jadi ingat patih gajah mada)

Claire: Oh  Greg, you’re my true hero. Save me from this pain Greg, I cudnt live witout you. <bgsound: How Do I Live>. Don’t leave me Greg.

Greg: I wont Claire, with all my heart, I swear.. <bgsound: I Swear - Westlife>

Claire: Greg, I wish I cud tell you how much I want to be next to you this very second. How much I wanna show you that you mean the world to me. How much tears I’d cry for you not to leave. From all the people I knew, you’re the only one i turn to <bgsound: I Turn To You-Christina Aguillera>. Compared to any guy, you are the hottest, the coolest, the strongest, the..guyest than all. Gosh i cant believe i finally say that!

Greg: … What do you mean?

Claire: *********************************************************

MAAF, blog-play ini tidak di lanjutkan karena munculnya rasa ilfil dan jijik tiba - tiba pada penulis yang menyebabkan iritasi, gatal - gatal, bersin- bersin dan kejang - kejang mendadak. Disertai rasa mual dan busa pada mulut yang menular.

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..

…

See you in the next-real-blog-play

a bientot!

La directeure - madmoiselle ria

Ps: For all the freaks, nerds and geeks in the world. The blog goes for you, YOU’RE NEVER ALONE!

Saat kita masih kecil,, kita tidak pernah mengerti mengenai bagaimana sebuah gerakan itu terjadi, sebuah aksi yang menyebabkan reaksi, sebuah rangkaian sistem mulai dari reseptor, saraf, otak, sampai ke motorik. Waktu itu kita masih mendefinisikan apa yang baik berdasarkan apa yang kita suka, apa yang kita suka berdasarkan apa yang kita rasakan, apa yang kita rasakan berdasarkan apa yang ada di hati kita. Kita tidak pernah peduli dengan rasionalitas, kita tidak pernah memikirkan masa depan.

Kita masih dibodohkan oleh lelucon di televisi, masih percaya pada kekuatan magis daripada sebuah trik muslihat dengan perhitungan yang sangat akurat. Kita masih terbeli oleh iklan yang menyajikan emosi yang begitu menggiurkan dan percaya bahwa apa yang kita lihat adalah apa yang akan kita dapatkan. Kita tidak mengetahui hal - hal lain selain makan, sekolah, bermain, tidur dan mencapai pagi lagi. Tidak pernah memikirkan berapa banyak uang yang dipakai ke pasar minggu ini, tidak pernah peduli jika persediaan beras maupun bensin di mobil habis.

Dulu kita begitu polos sampai tidak menyadari bahwa masa kepolosan itu sudah seharusnya lewat, berbagai tindakan penuh dengan analisis dan pemikiran terbentang dan menjemput masa remaja kita. Segala jenis gengsi dan kata - kata yang menggambarkan perasaan begitu asing muncul seketika, kecemburuan, ambisi, strategi, sistematika dan sensitivitas.

Sampai awalnya kita mengenal apa yang disebut dengan ‘relationship’, yah,, sesuatu kata sederhana yang memiliki ratusan percabangan sehingga memiliki komplikasi yang tidak pernah berujung. Dimulai dari gengsi; "aku ingin punya pacar" jadinya,, kita memaksakan apa saja sehingga voila! pacar baru di tangan. Jika kebosanan sudah memuncak karena masa pengenalan yang tidak lebih dari 1 minggu, maka beralih lah kita ke lain hati. Dengan anggapan "cinta suci pasti mengerti" maka,, mulai lah kita di kehidupan yang baru, menunggu cemas akan kepastian masa depan.

Yah,, ketika apa yang kita tunggu tidak kunjung datang, berdirilah kita disini,, mencaci,,memaki,, bahkan menyesal mengapa yang lalu telah kita lepaskan. Tapi,, kembali dengan konsep "cinta suci pasti mengerti" maka tabahlah kita berdiri dan menunggu rasi bintang yang tepat untuk kita mulai melangkah lagi.

"Kekecewaan mungkin menyakitkan, tapi itu akan menegarkan kita, menguatkan dan menjadikan kita seorang yang mampu berdiri tegak menghadapi SEGALA sesuatu. Tapi jangan sampai dirimu tidak bisa mengatur kekuatanmu hingga akhirnya itu memakanmu sendiri." *ria

PS: dengan berubahnya elu,, i finally realize that my life is not that pathetic. Masi ada tembok dan kursi untuk gw pakai menyamankan diri gw daripada harus peduli dengan masalah sayang - sayangan yang gw tau ga ada untung2nya buat gw. IT was just a waste of time, but c’est ne pas promblem, i enjoyed it.

let’s grow up

You know what? Sometimes I really need to think hard, really hard to find A reason to live than just finding, no, seeing, more than 100 reasons to die pops out of my mind like every 10 seconds.

I hate to say this but life SUCKS man!

She’s rite, I was rite, I shouldnt let myself come out

Better be alone

Better be on my own

Better to seek for no shoulders

Better not to reach for any hands

Better to stand up front

And fight em all on my own

rotten evil